The Big Grand Theory of Everything (or how "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" started me on the road to Retroville)

How did I become a RetroHead? This is my theory:

See, when I was a kid, there was a bit of a retro phase going on in Hollywood. From about 1988 to 1994, there were several movies released that were either aimed at young audiences or were at least appropriate for young audiences and they all dealt in one way or another with retro culture and a retro world. Many were set "back in the day" (1930s/40s/50s); many often had ties to retro culture or made reference to retro things or had a retro sensibility (kids TV shows in particular were filled with retro references). And most importantly, even though these movies and TV shows were set forty, fifty, sixty years in the past, they were meant to entertain children. In other words, when I was a kid, the world of the past (the world my grandparents grew up in) was a perfectly appropriate world in which to tell a story. There was nothing weird or highfalutin' or eccentric about telling stories to kids and setting those stories in the Depression era, or the WWII era, or the Eisenhower '50s.

Not that I've done a scientific study of the thing, but I don't believe this is really the case anymore. Most (if not all) of the current entertainment for kids is set in the present day, or the future, or if they're going to go back in time at all, (God help us) the 1970s. In other words, for kids today, the era of the "Greatest Generation" is simply not on their radar in terms of popular culture. Whereas, when I was a young gal of ten I was watching the 1990 "Dick Tracy" movie, the one set in a primary-colored 1930s world of gangsters and dames, or "Tiny Toon Adventures" with their references to "Citizen Kane" and "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Those eras of the past were alive to me in a way I just don't think they are for kids who grew up in the late 90s and the 2000s.

And it's weird, because it really was just a little pocket of movies and shows that came along at just the right time -- my formative years, from age seven to age fourteen -- that I feel contributed to my fascination with and love of the America of my grandparents and the "Golden Age" of Hollywood. It seemed like from 1988 to 1994 there was at least one movie each year that was set in the first half of the 20th century and, if it wasn't directly aimed at kids, it was at least rated PG or PG-13 so a kid could see it. I'm talking about "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?", "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," "Dick Tracy," "A League of Their Own," "The Rocketeer," "The Babe," "Swing Kids," "Radioland Murders," Back to the Future Part II," "The Shadow," Bette Midler's version of "Gypsy" on television, "The Hudsucker Proxy," etc. And let me tell you, I was obsessed with "Dick Tracy" and "The Rocketeer." I had action figures, comic books, I used to practice drawing the characters in my sketch pad (these were in the days when I wanted to be a cartoonist) -- instead of playing "cops and robbers" with my friends, I was always trying to get them to play "Dick Tracy vs. Flat Top."

Also, the retro look of "Batman: The Animated Series" cannot be overestimated here. That show was like after-school crack for me back in the day -- and believe me, I noticed the 1930s cars and the art deco buildings even if the show wasn't specifically set in the past. It was all part of the swirl of retro that was going on at the time -- everything, it seemed, was coated in a style and a sensibility that said "Old Time Americana," "World War II Generation," "Fedoras and Tommy Guns," "Jitterbugging and Zoot Suits." It was part of the culture I grew up in and for whatever reason I was tuned into all this stuff when it came out -- I fell in love with the retro worlds depicted in these movies and shows, long before I ever watched any old movies besides the usual kids-stuff of "The Wizard of Oz."

Anyway, that's my theory as to why I got into old movies and old retro culture and history. The tracks were laid, the way was prepared by the movies and TV shows I watched as a child -- new, popular movies and TV shows that nevertheless were set in older times and had a retro sensibility. It was easy to make the jump from the 1990 "Dick Tracy" to the 1930s Warner Bros gangster pictures -- I'd been softened up by Warren Beatty's version of the past, pretty soon I was ready for the real, 100% pure, authentic stuff. Because of the new movies and shows I was watching at the time, it wasn't hard to find my way into the old movies and shows. I might have been eleven years old, a Reagan baby with a side pony tail who'd never seen a real fedora hat except in the movies -- but it was because of those movies that I was able to feel comfortable in a world where men wore fedoras all the time and women wore their 1940s hair piled high in improbable shapes. Those retro movies of the late 80s/early 90s made the past seem enticing, interesting, wonderful, strange -- they made that past a place I wanted to return to again and again. It was easy to see where the next retro fix would come from: When it seemed like Hollywood had stopped making movies like "The Rocketeer" for a young imaginative girl like me, all I needed to do was find some old black and white adventure movie with Errol Flynn or Bogie and it was just the same -- in fact, it was better.

For a kid growing up today, these kinds of movie experiences are practically gone. Hollywood doesn't make any movies aimed at kids that are set in the 20s, 30s, or 40s. Heck, I can't think of the last time they set a movie in the 50s that was aimed at kids either (and if they do set it in the 50s, you can bet your bottom dollar it will be to show how "unenlightened" and "repressive" that era was, blech!). I think my little bubble, from '88 to '94, was an anomaly, but it was an amazing anomaly. I think without it, without those movies, I wouldn't have become the retrohead that I am today.

Mad Men Divorce?

No, I'm not talking Don and Betty. I'm talking about me. Towards the end of season 3 (pretty much right after the JFK assassination episode), I was almost ready to give up on the show. I was losing interest, I didn't like the direction they were taking with some of the characters, and I was annoyed by how it all seemed to be turning into a Boomer retread of "The Significant 60s" (an era which had, prior to this show, been almost solely defined by the annoying hippie Boomers and their "youth culture," but which the Mad Men creators were going to reconsider in a fresh, new, adult-minded, understated, and non-hippie-like way). In the JFK episode I felt like the Mad Men creators were going to go back down that played-out road of THE SIXTIES, instead of sticking with the more intelligent and nuanced view of the decade they had been taking in the first two seasons.

I was almost ready to give the show up. Then. Then the finale happened and all was forgiven. The finale was so amazing, so satisfying and powerful and funny and touching and hardcore dramatic and kick ass that basically, I'm back on the Mad Men train. That's pretty much all I have to say about it. Mad Men's season 3 finale was brilliant. Best episode of TV ever. It should win an Emmy for, like, best TV episode ever made. Best Ever.

I've mended my ways with the show and now I can't wait for season 4 -- that was not something I was thinking in the penultimate episode of season 3, so well done, Mad Men peoples! You've brought me back into the fold.

Now, can Betty and her snoozer of a boyfriend/fiancee just go die in a fire already? I'm over you Betty and your divorcing ways. I'm also firmly on team Pete/Trudy. They are my new power couple on the show (though Joan/Silver Fox is also an option).

derelict dereliction

It's been awhile, eh? I guess I've been derelict in my duty to the blog, nyuck nyuck!!! Where have I been all these weeks? Well, writing a novel for one thing. It's gloriously bad -- all about a 1930s movie star actress who leads a secret life as an Indiana Jones-type treasure hunter and how she must find a magical ancient treasure before the Nazis do and save the world, blah blah adventurecakes -- it's all completely cliche and horribly written and it's truly terrible. But I love it. It was all part of National Novel Writing Month. So, I wrote my novel, and I spent a lot of time watching old movies as "research" (heh) and now I'm back and ready to go blogging.

My only problem is: I've got too many things I want to blog about. I've got so many ideas bumping around in the brain that I can't decide which to write about first. I want to write about Big Hollywood, the conservative website devoted to movies and culture that I have a love/hate relationship with (backstory: I am a conservative. And a movie lover. And I thought Big Hollywood would be sorta like Dirty Harry's Place only awesomer but instead it turned out to be kinda okay on one hand and a total snoozeville on the other). So, I thought I'd give my critiques on why Big Hollywood needs improvement and how it can go about improving itself (not that they even care what some lame-o blogger like me thinks, but I am their target audience, so maybe for business' sake they might consider my thoughts).

But then, I thought, I've been meaning to write about Turner Classic Movies and how on the one hand it's the most amazing channel to ever grace the small screen, but on the other hand they need to seriously reconsider some of the bumpers and intros they've been using lately (i.e.: the new opening for the primetime movies, where a bunch of creepy cgi-like people stare up into the sky at a giant movie screen while annoying tinkly music plays). TCM, for the love of Bogart, these new intros have got to go!

But then, I thought I'd be a little more positive and write about all the good movies I've watched lately (like "Lured" with Lucille Ball, and "The Big Clock," and "Primrose Path," and "My Name is Julia Ross") and all the amazing stars I've been grooving too lately (like Peter Lorre and Ginger Rogers and Priscilla Lane and Joel McCrea and Marie Dressler and John Garfield.... *swoon!*).

Then there's the fact that I want to continue my "How to Watch Old Movies" series but I'm not sure which direction to take it in next (should I do a piece on credit sequences in old movies, or old movie film scores, or the importance of character actors in the old movie world? -- or is the whole thing all too ambitious and too much work and I'm just a lazy bum derelict after all....)

Actually, I've also been thinking about how I came to be such a retro fanatic in the first place and I might even write something that explains my grand theory for everything retro and how to make your family and friends into retro heads (first tip: start 'em young).

So anyway, this is where I'm at: Too many ideas and I don't know where to start. Since this post has been basically information free and was just me venting, here's something of substance:

Duke Mantee

Video Madness!

Mad Men and Why I'm Almost Over This Show

This has been a pretty uneven season of Mad Men. I've loved some episodes, while other episodes left me a little cold. But this is the first time in almost three seasons of the show where I straight-up HATED an episode. I feel bad for admitting it, since this was the "Very Special Episode" of Mad Men where President Kennedy gets assassinated, and I shouldn't really be hating on the episode where Kennedy gets shot and everybody is sad, but dang did this ep piss me off!!! At this point, for me, Mad Men should just turn into the Pete and Trudy show and everybody else needs to go away. Actually, no, scratch that. Everybody can stay but just get rid of Don and Betty. I'm completely over Don and Betty. OVER. Which is annoying, to say the least, since the whole Don and Betty thing had actually been one of my favorite storylines on the show (at least before season 3). Now I want nothing more than for Betty and Don to just go away and take their boring affairs and their boring problems and their boring self pity and leave me alone. I'm over it. Frankly, it's not much fun watching a marriage disintegrate for no other reason than the writers insist on turning these characters into thoroughly unlikeable people.

What pisses me off is that Don and Betty were not unlikeable in seasons 1 and 2. They had flaws, they made mistakes, they did things that pissed me off, but I still felt affection for them as people. But now, after the abortion that has been season 3, I can't feel anything for these people. Well, actually, I still feel a little bit for Don -- because I feel like, for all his flaws, he's constantly TRYING to be a better person. He might be a jerk and a screw-up and a liar, but at least he wants to be better, even if he fails at it.

Betty, on the other hand, has gone from sympathetic and likable (though obviously flawed) to just down right horrible and selfish and unforgiving. I think I turn on characters who refuse to forgive. If you can't forgive, then I'm pretty much not on your side anymore, and that's where I'm at with Betty. She's "fallen out of love with Don"? Boo freaking hoo! Get over yourself, Betty. This guy didn't have to spill his guts to you last week. He could have driven away with CrazySuzanne and had a happy bohemian life. He doesn't have to keep trying to make things work even though he's restless and confused and emotionally damaged. Don gave up last week -- he gave up on the lies and the secrets and the facade that kept him emotionally distant from his wife. He was ready to try and make it work. But what does Betty do? Does she try to be honest with Don and try to work through their problems and see if she can build a life with him again and maybe work at their relationship? Hell no, she freaks out about Kennedy and then uses that as an excuse to end her marriage. And now she's contemplating marriage with BoringMcWhatsHisName??? I'm so bored by Rockefeller guy that I don't even remember his name. She's become utterly unlikable for me. And she can't even manage to dump Don for somebody interesting.

I can understand her being hurt and confused and feeling betrayed by Don. I understand that and was more than willing to sympathize with her about it. But how could she have experienced that conversation with Don where he basically admits that the reason he lied to her about his past was because he was ashamed of it and feared she would reject him because of it and all he wanted was for her to love him -- how does she NOT feel something for her husband after that? I simply can't identify anymore with Betty. I used to reject the notion that Betty was "cold" or an "ice queen," but now? Shit, Betty, that's cold!

I get that people can't control their initial emotions. If Betty doesn't feel anything for Don anymore, okay. But "love" is more than just a mere emotional reaction. Love is a choice; it's a conscious decision of the will. Sometimes our family members piss us off and we're not exactly feeling the emotion of "love" but that doesn't mean we don't still do things for them, that we don't help them or take care of them or WILL ourselves to forgive them and work on making the relationship stronger. Of course, I'm one of those people weird people who thinks divorce and estrangement is wrong (unless there's abuse going on, of course) so I don't exactly cheer whenever I see a marriage end, real or fictional. "So you want Betty to stay in a loveless marriage??? What kind of backwards freak are you???" Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, it's loveless now -- does it have to be loveless forever? Don is, in many ways, a good man -- kind, sensitive, thoughtful, funny, caring, good with his children -- maybe, just maybe, Betty could find herself falling back in love with such a man... if she'd give it a chance, if she'd work on being more honest and forthcoming with her emotions herself, if she'd learn to truly forgive. I know that's asking a lot of Betty, but guess what? Sometimes people are called on to be heroic. And what's even more shocking, in fiction and in real, sometimes people actually are heroic. And wouldn't that be an interesting storyline? How many shows have actually had the guts to show a couple work through alienation of affections and tried to rekindle some form of love? Nowadays people just get divorced, whatever. But in the 60s a lot of people DID stay together. Sometimes it was horrible and things never got better and the love didn't return. But sometimes.... things did get better, and the love did return, and wouldn't that be a fresh and interesting storyline to explore in 2009? Since this is Mad Men and the writers do manage to surprise me, I'm holding out some slim measure of hope...

Maybe I'm expecting too much from the Betty character, I don't know. But I guess my antipathy towards divorce is so strong that if Betty is the one to end her marriage, it will turn me against her character completely. I mean, the only reason I still even half-like Roger is because his character is funny and has all the best lines. But as far as liking HIM, I don't. Roger is a brat and a fool and I'm kinda glad he's stuck in his stupid marriage with the idiot-child Jane.

(Sidenote: The only marriage I'd like to see end on this show, in fact, is Joan's because, again her divorce would be warranted seeing as her husband has shown himself to be abusive.)

This has turned into a rant about marriage and divorce (which is okay, I guess, because the show deals with these issues quite a bit), but I also hated this episode because it has confirmed my worst fears about where Mad Men is heading. The Kennedy assassination was so front and center that I was pretty much bored through the whole hour. Mad Men has never bored me, even in its slowest moments, but tonight I was bored. Sorry to be insensitive to all the Boomers out there who can't get enough of the Kennedy stuff, but I'm over it. The assassination was sad and scary and life changing, etc., etc. -- I get that. But it's been covered so much by media and fiction that I'm just numbed by the whole thing. I felt none of the dread or sadness that must have really happened on that day while I was watching this episode. It was all just so played! "And now here comes the part where Mad Men completely turns into a self-indulgent Boomer pity party!" It's all so self-conscious and arch. The show's always been a little bit on the mannered side, but now it's insufferable. Every word is weighted with extra metaphoric meaning, every event ties in to some Big Theme, every moment of the show seems to point to some larger symbolism. It's just too freaking much, especially when the symbolism and the themes are the same old tired 60s cliches we've been living with for forty-nine years.

What it boils down to: I just don't find "The 60s" as a cultural moment all that interesting. As I've written in a previous post, why don't we explore some other eras in American history? World War II has been done to death in movies, but the 30s, the 20s, and the first two decades of the 20th century haven't nearly gotten their due, especially in television.

I mean, I signed on to a show about AN AD AGENCY in the early 60s. Where's the AD AGENCY stuff??? And as I said before: Why can't this just be a show SET in the 60s instead of a show ABOUT the 60s? I mean, my parents grew up in the 1960s and their lives didn't conform perfectly to the cliche 60s template of social upheaval and whatnot. I mean, my grandma and great-aunts cried for days after Kennedy was shot, but nobody ended their marriage or started an affair because they were so distraught over it! They simply cried, were sad and frightened, and then guess what? Life went on and things got better. The world didn't end. Don Draper was right after all. Things did and do get better. At least they do in the real world and not on a TV show that's more concerned with awing us with their GREAT THEME of the week instead of telling a believable story about characters we like and care about.

Why can't this just be the Pete and Trudy show again? I wish. They're the only ones I like these days. And if they become unlikable? Well, then I guess I will be over the show. There you go, Mad Men: I'm putting you on notice. Not that you care.

Video Madness!

Mad Men Mondays Double Feature!

Episode 3.4 "The Arrangements"

Basic thoughts: Grandpa Gene is the best. Seriously. That German WWI helmet was boss. Shut up, Don! So what if it's a dead man's hat. It's a dead WWI German's hat! That's frickin' cool!!!
I was very sad about Grandpa Gene's passing. I hope he comes back as a ghost.....

Which leads me to Episode 3.5 "The Fog", last night's ep. Grandpa Gene is back!!!! Woo hoo!!!!! Yeah, he's only back as a hallucination in Betty's drug-induced mind, but Head!Gene is better than no Gene. The fact that Betty named her new baby boy "Gene" in honor of her father makes me very, very happy. Even though Betty doesn't seem very happy about having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed little baby Gene. Oh well.

See, the thing is, Mad Men, you and I might be on the verge of having a falling out.

I'm not saying it's going to happen for sure. The show is still well-written and amazingly acted and gorgeous to look at. But the feeling of dread I had as the third season began has only been increasing as the season has gone on.

And what is this feeling of dread? Basically, this: Mad Men is turning from a show set in the 60s to a show about the 60s.

For me, this is bad. I can't stand shows about the 60s. They've been done. They've been overdone. They're tedious, predictable bits of navel gazing from aging hippies/lefties. I don't need another liberal sermon about racism/sexism/classism set against the backdrop of "social change" and "upheaval" that has become the national myth we like to call "The 60s."

That's what made Mad Men so refreshing in its first two seasons: It was set in the 1960s, but it was about unique, intriguing characters who happened to live in the 1960s. The time period served as a backdrop for the lives of complex characters; these characters were products of their time, but they also transcended it. They were individuals, not term paper examples. Now I fear the characters will begin serving as examples to make a "point" about the time period; they'll lose what made them unique in order for the writers of the show to make a statement about the social change of the 60s.

Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe the writers will zag when I'm dreading that they'll zig. I hope I'm wrong. But I was hoping back in season 1 that Betty Draper's storyline wouldn't turn into a Betty Friedan wet dream; I was hoping the writers wouldn't go for easy cliches. And in seasons 1 and 2 they didn't. They made Betty more than the "bored housewife." They made her a gloriously messed up freak! She was awesomely weird! She wasn't your "typical housewife", not on the inside. On the inside she was as complex and inexplicable as every person ever born. She was a human being. Unique. Real.

But now as season 3 progresses, I feel like Betty's freak flag has been folded up and she's turning into a symbol, into an archetype, into the same tired "60s" cliche we've seen a million times. If she reads "The Feminine Mystique", I'll have to quit watching the show. I feel like it's just a matter of time before the other characters become symbols too. They'll start to lose what made them fresh and one-of-a-kind and they'll turn into stiff, tired, cliche symbols of "the times they are a'changing." I'm afraid the show will become less about the characters and more about "the era." I want real people, Matt Weiner, not Great-Gatsby-green-light symbolism for your critique of the American Dream.

Question: Have there ever been any period piece TV shows set in the 1930s? The 1940s? And if not, then why? Those decades were cool too!!!

There have obviously been dozens/hundreds of movies made in the last twenty years set in the Great Depression/WWII era, but why hasn't a TV series ever attempted those eras? I mean, maybe TV has and I missed it, but seriously, why does it always have to be the 1960s?!?! I want a kick ass 1930s drama (that does not involve gangsters) on next season's Fall TV schedule!!! Make it happen Hollywood!

Quote of the episode: "I left my lunch pail on the school bus and I'm having a baby."

Honestly, Mad Men is so well done as a show, there's no way I'm gonna stop watching. Really, I still dig the thing. But for some reason, this week's episode bothered me while I was thinking about it today. This has been my rant.

Mad Men: Episode 3.3 "My Old Kentucky Home"

A week behind. Whoops. Anyway, Episode 3:

Mad Men, The Musical. Three musical numbers and a dance sequence too! It was a Mad Men talent show episode!

Things we learned:

• Grandpa Gene is awesome: He was kinda scary and crazy at first, but by the end of the episode I loved him. He cares about Sally. He actually takes the time to teach her and encourage her. He spends time with her (which is more than we can say for "Go watch TV" Betty). I loved how he didn't say anything about the five bucks after Sally "found" it on the kitchen floor. He knows she took it and she knows she did wrong and Awesome Grandpa Gene just lets it slide because he knows the lesson has been taught and he doesn't have to yell or get mad to make it stick. I love Grandpa Gene.
• Joan is awesome: She's a kick-butt hostess, she's beautiful, she's warm and demure and easy-going -- AND SHE PLAYS THE FREAKING ACCORDION!!!!!! She plays AND sings! She's way too good for old ShakyHandsMcDoctorRapist and she knows it. And he knows it. And everybody at their dinner party knows it. Poor Joan.
• Pete and Trudy are awesome: Their Charleston dance was the greatest thing I've ever seen on this show or any show ever. It was hilarious and awesome. I loved that it was a total homage to the Charleston dance scene from "It's a Wonderful Life." I can just see Dorkaliscious Pete and Trudy bonding over their mutual "It's a Wonderful Life" love and learning the dance from the movie. I bet they both had to take dancing lessons as kids (for all those frou-frou blue blood parties they probably went to) and I can just see them applying their dancing skillz to something as nerdy as learning the George Bailey/Mary Charleston. I love them!
• Don is awesome.... at making drinks: I couldn't even focus on that Connie guy's dialogue during this scene because I was mesmerized at Don's skill with the liquor. He was crushing the ice, he was mixing the rye with whatever he was mixing it with, he was plopping a cherry and something else into the finished drinks -- He was masterful! Don is the king of the Old Fashioned!
• Smith (or is he called Smitty? I can never figure it out...) is awesome: The dude's down-to-earth, funny, non-pretentious, and he went to the University of Michigan!!! Woo hoo, Wolverine shout-out!!! I know it wasn't intended as such, but I'm taking the Michigan thing as a shout-out. GO BLUE!

Finally, my opinion on that final make-out session between Don and Betty is this:

Don had just had his conversation with Roger about happiness in the previous scene and now Don sees Roger dancing with Jane, and perhaps he thinks that Roger is trying desperately to prove his happiness, to convince himself that he IS happy, and this in turn leads Don to try and find Betty, to kiss her with romantic abandon in the moonlight, to try and convince himself that he too is happy with his life. I have a feeling Betty is trying to do the same. It's not that the kiss didn't mean anything, or that it was passionate only because the two of them were thinking about kissing other people (I reject Matthew Weiner's interpretation of the scene. Heh.). But they're both at a point in their relationship where they're TRYING to make it work and sometimes trying doesn't actually equal a renewal of passion and love. So they're trying to reignite the spark, trying to fall back into that first burst of romance -- they're going through all the motions of passion hoping to get their emotions going as well.

Will it work? At this point, it's hard to tell. I hope Don and Betty can reignite the passion because basically, they are sooooo beautiful together. I want the pretty, dang it! Jane was right about that at least.

Dereliction Radio! Episode 1: Dance Party

Dereliction Radio-Dance Party - The Derelict

Mad Men Mondays: Episode 3.2 "Love Among the Ruins"

I don't think I'm smart enough for this show sometimes. I've watched this episode twice and I'm still not sure what was happening in some of the scenes. Also, I'm not sure how I should be reacting to what some of the characters are doing.

Why was Don fondling the grass during the May Pole dance?

What was that long look that Don gave Peggy while she was in her office on the typewriter at the end of the episode?

What was the thematic connection between the different plot lines (the Madison Square Garden storyline, the Peggy hates Ann Margaret storyline, and the Betty vs William dutiful children of senile father storyline)?

I'm so confused!!!! Waaaaah!

So, instead of trying to figure out "what it all means" in any grand sort of way, I'll just list off things I noticed, things I liked, things I disliked, and other random observations/opinions.

First, I think Don is looking hotter than ever. (It's Mad Men, I'm allowed to start off with the superficial, surface things, 'natch)

His hair is longer too, it seems, and I must say, it works for him. Also, I love Betty's beehive hair-do.

Peggy needs a new wardrobe. And I don't know if I like one-night-stand Peggy all that much. I get that she wants to be desired a la Ann-Margaret/Joan, but I dunno, I guess my Catholic morality is getting in the way and I just don't want to see Peggy turn into a female version of Don Draper. That would make me sad.

Not enough Pete this episode.

I do not like super-smiley New!Bobby. He's creeping me out. Where is solemn, sulky, adorable oldBobby???

Best part of the episode: Betty's dad dumping the booze down the drain because he thought the fuzz had shown up. Prohibition flashbacks by senile old men amuse me.

Best lines of the episode: Everything that came out of Roger "Silver Fox" Sterling's mouth. His line to British Glasses Man about getting three sheets to the wind and trying on the suit of armor was brilliant.

Missing this ep: Moneypenny. I want more Moneypenny so we can have more Moneypenny snark from Joan.

Finally, I thought the scene where Peggy was imitating Ann-Margaret's "Bye Bye Birdie" performance in her bedroom mirror was one of the most awkward, painful, amazing pieces of acting I've ever seen from Elisabeth Moss. Give this girl her Emmy now!

I wish this episode had inspired deeper thoughts from me, but alas, it didn't. Not that I didn't enjoy the episode; I did. I watched it twice and each time I thought it was great. It was an entertaining episode; everything looked gorgeous as always; and it was thought-provoking too. The only problem, all the thoughts that were provoked in me are a muddled, confused mess, so I'm not able to write any coherent analysis of the episode.

I guess it maybe all comes back to the title: Love Among the Ruins.

Familial love in ruins: Betty's dad and his diminishing health, sibling rivalry, etc
Societal love in ruins: The people of New York love Penn Station and don't want to see it torn down
Romantic love in ruins: Peggy wishes she were more desirable sexually, so she flirts with a guy and has a one-night sexual encounter with him to reassert her self worth (but did it work?)
Familial love in ruins, part deux: Roger's relationship with his daughter is a mess because of his divorce and remarriage

I dunno. I guess that wasn't much of an analysis since probably everybody who watched this episode figured all this out for themselves already. But it's all I got.



**Bonus best moment of the episode: Mona calling Roger's new wife Jane, "June." Mona is a goddess.

(not) drunk (enough?)

this could get ugly.
spelling is not my strong suit, so...... be ware. be warned.

Rock 'n' roll is better than books. Hot dogs are better than chicken. Rita Hayworth is better than everybody.

Who can believe it's august already?! what happened to summer?! it's way too fucking cold to be august, what was it, like 50 degrees today??? i call fail sauce. You failed weather! FAILED!

I want a sammich. A roast beef, corned beef, ham, italian salami, turkey with bacon sammich. MMMMMMMMMM, sammiches is gewd.

Punk rock is your god. Listen to the ramones your cretins! I don't know why i'm telling you this, nobody listens to good music anymore.

I'm having a Beatles weddding when I get married. All beatles music, beatles themed, a strawberry fields forever cake, wedding party enters to Happiness is a Warm Gun, woo hoo, yeah. Don't judge me.

Now for something serious: Is it just me or does it feel like life is entering a fog? The world is entering a strange confusion; there's something in the air and it aint mint flavored. It's egg sauce and sulfer; it's fire and burnt pizza. It's stale beer and lost youth. Or maybe I'm just cold from the august weather being 500 degrees below average!!!!! Seriously, Al Gore, go eff yourself! Global warming?! It's colder than I can ever remember!!!!!!

I want more. That's all I can think to say.

What is the greatest movie ever made? Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
What is the greatest song ever sung? Big Long Sliding Thing
What are the greatest books ever written? A Song of Ice and Fire series by George RR Martin (what does the RR stand for? I think he just made it up to sound cool.....)
What is the greatest TV show theme song of all time? Green Acres

That's it. I'm cashed. This one goes out to you, Mind Grapes:

Big Long Slidin Thing - Dinah Washington

Because she didn't believe me when I told her about this song.
Just stick that hunk of meat in the basket. Double entendre, waht?

Video Madness!

A TCM Promo from a couple of years ago.

Mad Men Monday: Episode 3.1 "Out of Town"

For season three of Mad Men, "Change" seems to be the watchword, but I think a better word might be "Upheaval." Change is too positive, it's too nice. Change makes me think of "new" and "forward" and "frontiers" -- it can be a frightening word, but that fear is often tempered by anticipation and promise. The world is changing: that is both an unsettling and an exhilarating thought.

It's the old adage: "Change can be good." But for my money, the change I feel coming for the guys and gals at Sterling Cooper does not look good. The changes coming, the ones that seem to be edging closer the further we move into the 60s, are not full of promise and forward momentum and the dawn of a new age. The changes coming are going to shatter things; the changes coming are going to destroy institutions. Some people say, let those institutions burn, but I'm not willing to jump onto the youth rebellion, or start banging my drum for the impending revolution just yet. What's coming over the horizon is a devolution. Adulthood will be shattered. The Hollywood studios will crumble. Fashion will tumble into oblivion. Don Draper will eventually meet the 1970s and that's too depressing a thought for words.

So, I greet the first episode of season three with a boulder in my stomach because I know the theme of the season is CHANGE and I just can't get excited about it. I'm worried. Not that life hasn't been hell for pretty much every character on the show these first two seasons, but with 1963, with the impending assassinations, marches, protests, ideologies, etc., I can only feel that things are going to get worse. I'm a retro head. I want to go back to the 1950s (or even better, the 1940s, or even better, the 1930s). I don't want my world shaken and destroyed and turned over on its head. So I'm nervous for Don and Betty and Joan and Pete and Peggy (and Sal and Ken and the boys too), but I'm also nervous for me, because I don't want this show I love to turn into yet another 1960s watch-as-we-change-the-world-and-destroy-it-arent-the-hippies-so-great-woot!-radicals lovefest. I used to be a hippie.... when I was 16. Now I'm older and I want to go have a cocktail with Ken Cosgrove in some swank night club. The last thing I want is to hear the glories of The Feminine Mystique shoved in my face.

So anyway, the episode.

I think the theme is birth/rebirth/new life, and all the fears and anxieties and needs associated with birth. We open with Don warming milk in the middle of the night to help Betty fall asleep and we see him have flashbacks/memories/imaginings of the night he was born. We find out later, it's his birthday.

I don't think it's a coincidence that one of the first images we see is of pregnant women: Don's stepmother after a miscarriage/stillbirth; Don's real mother, a prostitute who dies during pregnancy; and finally, Betty, still pregnant, unable to sleep, on the cusp of birth and all the anxieties and possibilities inherent in the image of a pregnant woman. What's going to happen? Don seems to be thinking. What's going to come from this birth? Is it death? Is it life? Is it both?

When things switch to Sterling Cooper we find the office in the midst of some "birthing pangs" as well. Since the British have bought the company, changes have been made, people have been fired, things are not as they once were. Sterling Cooper has been reborn as this hybrid British-American company and it's not just "business as usual" -- things are changing and everybody seems to be scrambling to deal with the change. Peggy's is no-nonsense, throwing herself into work. Joan is pretty much fed up with her role at the office and can't wait to leave (guess she hasn't married Doctor Rapist yet, but it looks like the wedding is still on -- CORRECTION! I guess Joan and Peggy were talking about Joan's WEDDING RING, so yeah, she has married Doctor Rapist. Bleh.). Harry suddenly has more power as the power of television makes its mark on American culture. Ken and Pete are pitted against each other in the steel caged death match for sole position as Head of Accounts.

It's all part of the master plan of Droll British Stiff Upper Lip Glasses Man (my new favorite character of the new season -- he's just so.... so.... BRITISH! I kind of love him, especially the way his glasses slouch down the end of his nose, even though it looks like he's being set up as a kind of antagonist for the season seeing as he's pretty much in charge of finances at Sterling Coop and is in contact with the big bosses in London). Mister Stiff Upper Lip gives the Head of Accounts position to both Pete and Ken, but really, what Stiffy wants is for one of the guys to prove himself worthy of the position and become the one and only top dog. Pete is pouty and annoyed that he has to play this game; Ken simply refuses to play it -- he's happy just to have the position and the increased responsibilities that come with it (even though he's only got half of the accounts, with Pete handling the other half).

I have to say, I'm excited about this story development. It will give both characters something to do in the office that's actually work related (and not sex related, heh) and it will give both characters a chance to have more screen time (I hope!).

There's also a birth of sorts happening in the out of town trip Don and Sal take to Baltimore to meet with the London Fog executives: The birth of Sal's sexual awakening (aw, Sal, I love you!). A hotel bell hop comes on to Sal! And Sal lets him! And they make out! The bell hop (who is rather forward about the whole thing too, I must say) even starts to get into Sal's pants but then BAM! the fire alarm goes off and everyone rushes out of the hotel (but not before Don sees Sal with his pants down and the bell hop in the room.... awkward!).

It's as if, just as Sal is about to be reborn (I'm thinking this is his first overt homosexual encounter, btw), just as he's about to emerge out of his false identity into his new, true identity, catastrophe strikes, danger and destruction occur, the hotel catches on fire. This is what I mean about the difference between change and upheaval. Change can be both positive and negative, both scary and exciting. But upheaval? Upheaval is terrifying; it's dangerous; it's often violent (or at least it carries the threat of violence). Upheaval is an interruption (an eruption). And frankly, I'm terrified of the interruption/eruption that is about to occur in the lives of all the Mad Men characters I love.

(Massive Side note: Don, meanwhile, is getting it on in the hotel with a bimbo stewardess, so his "rebirth" is the rebirth back into the sex addict/serial philanderer; Don's rebirth isn't into something new but something old. I don't think it's a coincidence that it's his birthday and that he's been thinking about his life, his mother's death, his mother's life as a prostitute, Don's need for intimacy, even if it's a shallow one-night stand with a stupid flight attendant. His line to the stewardess about chances -- "I've been married a long time. You get plenty of chances." -- is such a summation of the Don Draper character and of, frankly, the American spirit of optimism. "You get plenty of chances" -- that's the world of Don Draper, who throughout his life has chance after chance to reinvent himself, to make mistakes, to screw up and be forgiven, to have a second/third/fourth/fifth chance. It's sadly naive in its way, as naive and optimistic as Scarlett O'Hara at the end of Gone with the Wind. She confesses her love to Rhett, she apologizes, says she's so, so sorry, she wants to start over, but Rhett's not buying it -- "You're like a child. You think by saying you're sorry all the past can be erased" -- but in the end, Scarlett still doesn't believe Rhett's rejection of her, she still thinks she can get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day. This is Don's mindset completely (and lucky for him, Betty's no Rhett Butler, she always takes him back, it seems). Tomorrow is another day. You get plenty of chances. You can never be reborn too many times.)

I loved the last scene of the episode too. Don and Betty are at home in their bedroom, Sally comes in and apologizes for breaking Don's suitcase. When she confesses, she explains that she broke the suitcase because she didn't want her father to leave (remember when Don just up and left the world behind and spent many weeks off in California and nobody knew where he was? yeah, well, who can blame his eight year old daughter for having abandonment issues?!). Don promises that no matter where he goes, he'll always come back. She's his little girl. But I wonder, will Don always be able to come back? It's a beautiful sentiment, a touching scene of affection, but I'm scared, I'm worried about what this season has in store for the characters and for me, the audience.

When Sally finds the stewardess's pin in Don's things, she thinks it's a gift he got her from his trip. Don's face is devastating; he knows he's been caught in another deceit, but he has to let the lie continue or else ruin his life with his family all over again. Betty and Sally are oblivious, they are happy. Sally wants to know about the day she was born. Don begins the story, lost in both his memories of Sally's birth as well as the memories of his own birth (and, possibly, in his night with the stewardess, in his many and continuing lies, in his seemingly endless attempts at another chance to make things right, in the fact that he can continue to keep coming home despite all the missteps and mistakes). He starts to tell the story: It was night time and Betty had gone into labor, Don had just gotten home from work. It was raining (and remember the words to the London Fog guys: "There will be fat years and there will be lean years. But it always rains.")

It was raining and that's all Don can say as he drifts off completely into his own head. There will be bad times, there will be good times, but it always rains -- birth, life, continuation, these things never change, through the good and the bad, life goes on. New life is on the horizon and it's beautiful and it's terrifying.

Random thoughts:
Loved the line from Bert Cooper: "I don't care. London Fog is a great name." So true! It is a great name and who cares if there's no such thing as London fog, the name is better than the reality (and isn't this the essence of advertising, the essence of STORY even -- the fiction is better than the reality). All Americans are dreamers, while the Brits are stone cold realists, heh.

Loved that Peggy called the new British secretary guy "Moneypenny." I think I will call him that from now on in these write ups! (what is the character's real name anyway? Mr Hooper? Jon Hooper? I dunno, but I'm calling him Moneypenny!)

Hated the slutty stewardess (and her dim witted stewardess friend). I'm glad Don didn't sleep with her; she wasn't worth it.

Pete's dance in his office after he got the promotion to head of accounts? ADORABLE. I love Pete so much! I love happy, silly Pete so, so much!!!! More silly Pete dances please!

Did my eyes deceive me or is there a new actor playing Bobby Draper??? I wonder why they switched?

That's all I got for now. Till next week!

drunk pomes

ORANGE SWIRL

In between last night's dream
And the oncoming mosquito invasion,
There was much to think about,
So I sat down and shook the lemon seed and
Out popped anarchy and the birdman, who said:
"Watch me levitate beyond your freeloading vice,
And consider with dexterity your next move."

I did just that and flipped on the hockey game.
It was bloody, with blade-skated throats.
Octopi floated from the ceiling and the
Insect invasion began.

I was glad to be in pajamas, which is
What I told my push pop.

drunk

well. here i am. wasted as usual. what's the frequency? who knows, except I don't. I don't know anything except this keyboard is too hard to type on and I'm too drunk on highballs/whiskey to care. What's the point of it all? Except I'm too young for life in this world, I don't live like I'm young anymore, except I live like I'm too young. I don't like modern dance music, if that's what they even call it. Hollywood calls out to me like it calls all sad, insecure, creative, neurotic people.... Hellos, hollywood friends, I miss you and I miss my dreams, they are about the same thing these days...
There is a feeling, I can't quite tap into it, but it's there, hiding amongst the brain matter of the 20something generation, it's a real thing, it's a truth, that this thing, that sees beauty, it sees beyond the empty shell of millennial life, it knows that there are things worth loving, things worth believing, even if these things are nothing more than a flicker of quicksilver light, they are things more believable, more real than saturday night suburban bars, more true than pulsating nonsense -- I have seen the end of days and they are less populated than you would believe. Not everybody makes it to the end. If only a diner were a sacred place, we would all end up there by 4 am.

I see the eternal diner in florescent bursts, it is a marvel. I see all the books I should have read. I see the music enlightenment, but sadly nobody else hears the tune. I wish you could laugh along with me at the futility. I laugh too much. I laugh at everything and all things, I'm never serious except when I am and it's not appropriate. I don't fit in.

That's the last word, basically. I don't fit it. I've never fit in, I never will, just stop trying and all will be well. There is a hole in the world and that whole is filled with shit, and I can't remember anything but it, nothing but empty eyes, empty mouths, empty heads, silly unchallenged dumbass twits, I guess I'm a snob afterall. Ah well, what the hell, I never pretended to be anything but a bitch. Embrace it, I guess.

There are two truths I know: 1. Rock & Roll is better when it's shit and 2. Regular people are boring.

Bring on the misanthropy.

Summer Under the Stars!

I'm pretty much of the mind that Turner Classic Movies cannot get any cooler. Exhibit A of Coolness: This website for TCM's Summer Under the Stars 2009. It's this month, August, starting today, all month long. The posters for each star's month are almost as good as the movies themselves!



Personally, I can't wait for Gloria Grahame Day, Marion Davies Day, and Gene Hackman Day. And also, today: Henry Fonda Day. Grapes of Wrath is on tonight at 8 pm and I've got the DVR set!

Odds and Sods

Old school cool: Retro Candy Boxes! Mmmmmmmmmm! I really want to try the C. Howard Violet Gum because, well, it's violet gum! What the hell is that?!

Question of the Day: Candy cigarettes -- yea or nay?
(answer will be at the bottom)

Stone cold fox: Betty Draper! Mad Men season 3 starts August 16th!!!!!!!

I think I'm going to blog the third season -- recaps/reviews, that sort of thing.

I might never leave the house again: Beatles Rock Band comes out 09-09-09!!!!!

Speaking of candy..... : A friend you can eat! Mmmmmmm..... Ja.

Thing that annoys me: Salute Your Shorts is still not out on dvd

Other Thing that annoys me: The new TCM prime time opening
For some reason they changed the old intro to this new lame-o version. The twinkly music is annoying, the cgi is poorly done, and it's just basically stupid. Why is there a movie being projected onto a huge billboard in a dense urban metropolis??? Won't the huge skyscrapers make it hard to see??? Who wants to watch a movie on a roof??? What does any of this have to do with old movies??? What was so wrong with the old opening???

My new favorite books: Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin! "Winter is coming..." (I'm on the second book of the series, but the first one -- Game of Thrones -- blew my mind)

And now, finally, the answer to the Question of the Day:

Yea.

(With candy cigarettes you get all the benefits of cigarettes (i.e.: you get to look cool with a white stick dangling out of your mouth; you get to have something to occupy your hands and mouth that looks sophisticated and suitably retro; you can roll the pack up in the sleeve of your white t-shirt greaser-style; etc.) but with none of the cancerous side effects. The only drawback is that you can't blow cool smoke rings with candy cigs. Smoke rings are cool. But, on the plus side, they taste like candy and not like an ash tray.)

Faygo pop flavor of the week: 60/40

Garage Rock City: Woggle with me

There comes a time in every young punk's life where all he wants is some good basement music. The kind you put on in the middle of the afternoon, you've just woken up after being out all night drinking and riding around with friends till 3 a.m. and now it's time to play old Super Nintendo games and watch Tarantino movies on basic cable and eat sugar cereal for lunch at one o'clock. For these times, every young freak should choose the Woggles.

Has anyone ever studied the effect b-grade monster movies have had on Rock 'n Roll? I mean, this particular brand of low-budget schlock cinema practically invented the Cramps. Zombies, voodoo, radioactive mush monsters -- they're all the horrific grandfathers of garage punk, right?
Where would the American teenage summer vacation experience be without a cold basement on a sweltering afternoon, an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the tube, and chilled bottles of Faygo pop getting sucked down to the sounds of a band like the Woggles? If there ever were such a universe where this was not a stone cold reality, don't let me ever get warped into it through a black hole. I like my basements dank, the walls sweaty, the fluorescent lights on the fritz, and the rock loud and fuzzy.

Such is the sound of the Woggles on their album "Get Tough."

Get Tough - The Woggles

Zombie Stomp - The Woggles

Dont Give Me No Sass - The Woggles

Video Madness!

Retro Hottie of the Week!

RITA!

They are the last of my old time friends

There's this moment in Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous where Kate Hudson's Penny Lane is drunk and overdosing on Quaaludes in a hotel suite in Manhattan, depressed over being dumped by Stillwater guitarist, Russell, and Patrick Fugit's character comes in to rescue her (and to also proclaim his undying love for her) and she says wistfully, sadly: "You're the last of my old time friends." And then she goes on to tell him where all the other band aids and roadies from the Stillwater tour -- her friends -- have gone. Everyone has left her -- everyone except Fugit's character, William Miller.

With the passing of Karl Malden today, I'm feeling a lot like Penny Lane.

Did you know that today is Olivia De Havilland's birthday? And that she's 93?! Her sister, Joan Fontaine, is still alive too, thank God, but I'm beginning to feel like they (and a few others, a small few) are the last of my old time friends. I was just talking with a family friend the other day about how so many of these great stars are passing away. We both mused, sadly, that when these old actors and movie people pass away, the culture and our country loses a connection with its history and we both felt it as a great loss. And then, today, I find Karl Malden has died.

I also got to thinking about how the WWII era in general is now dying away. My grandparents have lost many, if not most, of their old friends. It's sad for them, I know, to lose the people they care about. And it's sad for me as well, because I can't help mourning the loss of a generation I feel more connected to than even my own messed-up Gen X/Millenial generation. My grandparents always said I was born in the wrong era.

I guess it says everything you need to know about who I am that I feel the loss of Karl Malden more than I do that of Michael Jackson. One, a bulbous-faced character actor who had his most famous roles some forty to sixty years ago; the other a man who was arguably the most popular entertainer of my lifetime (me born: 1981). But while Michael's passing is tragic and unsettling and I certainly feel bad for his family and fans (let's leave out what I think of the pedophile stuff -- the guy had a life of terrible suffering and confusion and I hope he finds some peace in death he couldn't find here in life), it's Malden's passing that hits me right in the gut.

It's not because he died too soon, obviously. The guy lived to be 97 (!) -- that's as good a run as anyone can hope for, God bless him. So, it's not upsetting because of that. It's just that, again, he's one of the last of an era. With him goes a part of our once-great culture. With him goes a part of a great generation -- a great generation that many people my own age are forsaking as "irrelevant" and "boring." He was one of the last old time friends and now we who love those old days and old stars have one less person to cherish on this earth. We can only hope and pray to see him in the next life.

The first time I loved Karl Malden was when I was around thirteen or fourteen years old and watched 1962's Gypsy on television late into the night. It was 2 a.m. on a school night and I should have been in bed, but the movie kept me riveted. It was probably the whole pack-up-and-move-to-New-York-and-go-into-show-business-and-be-a-star! spirit of the thing, with Mama Rose doing everything she could to make her kids into big stars, that grabbed me. I wanted to be an actress at the time and the movie was as alluring as it was cautionary in regards to show business. But the thing that sent shivers down my back wasn't Rose's inevitable descent into fame-obsessed madness -- it was Herbie, Karl Malden's character, the long-suffering boyfriend/manager who stuck by Rose and Louise through thick and thin. When Rose is so desperate for her daughter's fame that she offers Louise up to be a stripper in a burlesque show, Herbie finally draws the line and it's a scene I'll never forget.

Malden's performance in this scene is so raw, so savage and heartbreaking, that I still shiver a little when I think of it to this day. Sure, it wasn't his greatest role. And yes, the movie is not really a classic, like, say On the Waterfront or Streetcar Named Desire are. But the way he explodes on Rosalind Russell's Mama Rose -- "No, Rose, I DON'T understand!" -- was so frightening and righteous and unforgettable for me, the star-struck little fourteen year old on her living room floor, that I'll remember and love that scene forever. I thought the movie was pretty good up till that point, but thanks to Karl Malden's performance, it became a masterpiece for that one brief, furious moment. Thanks, Herbie, we'll be seeing ya...

Now we have so few left. So few who remember those days -- the 20s, the 30s, the 40s -- who can share with us their experiences and their memories. I watched Yankee Doodle Dandy yesterday in the spirit of the 4th of July and also watched the little documentary that came with the special two-disc dvd set and the only actor from the movie who was interviewed was sweet, adorable Joan Leslie (who was only, like, sixteen or seventeen years old during shooting for YDD). She looked great and had some wonderful reminisces and I was grateful that she's still around to share her stories (and the woman worked with some of old Hollywood's biggest giants too: Cagney, Bogart, Cooper, and Astaire). But she's the last of a dwindling few. De Havilland, Fontaine, Leslie... Jane Russell, Audrey Totter, Mickey Rooney, Tony Curtis, Kirk Douglas, and others. And to think how many we've lost, even in just the last couple of years, people like Richard Widmark and Betty Hutton and others. It really does break my heart. So happy birthday, Miss De Havilland! And many, many happy birthdays to come -- for you and for all the wonderful old timers!

The last of my old time friends..... Thank you, Mr. Malden, for the good times and the memories.

Video Madness!

MADness

Attention burgeoning RetroHeads!!! If you are not watching Mad Men, then you need to buy the dvds. Season 2 comes out July 14. Buy. Now. Don Draper commands you!

Retro Hottie of the Week

Ann Sheridan, for when you're craving a feisty redheaded hottie!

.... on a bear.

Retro-Vision

More fun with old movie poster art! "We're in a jam!"

The great thing about these old posters is that they make you WANT to see the movie. Very few of today's movie posters actually make you want to go out and see the movie just based on the poster itself. Not so in retro old movie world! These oldies have everything from salacious artwork, to shocking images of violence (dig that burning car), to punchy tag lines, to bold, primary colors that grab you right away. It's arty and pulpy and intriguing. It's retro-vision!

Video Madness!

Retro Hottie of the Week!

The lovely Jane Greer!


But watch out boys, this girl packs heat:

I mean, she is the Queen of the Femme Fatales after all!