April 29, 2009

Video Madness!

First... Japanese-style!

Now... Original flavor!

UPDATE! I can't freaking believe youtube took down the Japanese cover version video!!!! Well, now my post is almost pointless. But believe me, that Japanese version was hilarious.

At least youtube can't stop Connie!

April 28, 2009

New pair of Chuck T high tops and the wrath of my television anger

I got them a couple of weeks ago. Black high tops with a yellow and black wild Animal-4 kinda leopard-like design on the heel stripe and inside lining. They were specially designed by moi, a feature of endless fun at the Converse website. I wish I could buy more, poor sad no-money empty cobwebbed wallet spaced girl that I am. Alack! Must console myself with repeated listening of Cramps albums.

Why don't we all just burn down TV Land. I know it's just a cable station situated a thousand pixels away in some automated Viacom warehouse store room, where a computer manages endless loops of 3rd Rock From the Sun reruns interspersed with the classic television visions known as High School Reunion and The Cougar, but couldn't we just torch the place anyway? I know they still show older, classic shows, but they show them in twenty-seven hour blocks and it's the same four shows everyday, twenty episodes of Good Times followed by twenty eps of M*A*S*H*, followed by one episode of classic Star Trek on Saturday morning at 5 am, just to fuck with our heads and make us salivate for that one good hour of TV every week where Kirk's mixing it up with mobsters and playing sexy time with the green honeys. I don't know about you, but when I think "Classic TV channel" I don't think: Andy Griffith Show for 6 hours, Brady Bunch for 6 hours, Good Times for 6 hours, and M.A.S.H. for 6 hours (1 hour of Little House on the Prairie may be substituted for any 1 hour of previously mentioned shows). Those are all good, fun, cheesy classic TV shows, don't misunderstand, but there's only so much a person can take day after day, week after week, etc. etc.

What happened to VARIETY??? Sample, make-believe, awesome schedule that I just came up with two minutes ago and which blows the current TV Land schedule out of the waters left over from the wet fart also known as "skewing younger":

2 hours of The Andy Griffith Show at 5 in the morning (so I don't have to watch it)
1 hour of Rhoda (so I can watch while I eat my breakfast)
2 hours of Kojak (because: Why not?)
1 hour of Bewitched (1st ep Old Darren, 2nd ep New Darren)
2 hours of Gunsmoke (a sop to the Western fans)
2 hours of I Love Lucy
1 sweet, sweet hour of The Dick Van Dyke Show (cherish this hour)
1 hour of Petticoat Junction (shut up, I like it. haters be hatin'!)
1 hour of Dragnet
1 hour of Get Smart
1 hour of Mannix (one hour is all the average human brain can handle; more and our minds would explode from awesomeness overload)
1 hour of Mary Tyler Moore
1 hour of My Three Sons
1 hour of Laugh-In (on weekends, this gets extended to 3 hours, followed by Space Ghost cartoons)
1 hour of That Girl
1 hour of The Addams Family (essential viewing for any life to be complete)
1 hour of The Munsters (it's the Addams Family chaser)
2 hours of infomercials (preferably Rockin' to the Oldies)

Now, is that so hard??? I understand that the people who run TV Land these days care very little about actual classic television and that it's all dollars and cents to these people, but why can't we revolt, people storming the gates of CorproLand and demanding justice with pitchforks and steak knives, that sorta thing?

Yes, yes, "DVDs available now, buy your own damn nostalgia," yeah yeah, I know. But some of us don't have hundreds of bucks to spend on old television show DVDs. Some of us would like to buy another pair of personally designed Converse sneakers with our 60 clams and want some modicum of value out of the money we shell out for cable/satelite/dishnetwork/u-verse/etc.

We are powerless. I know it. We are nameless, lifeless cogs in the machine of conglomerate television programing. We are living in the reality of a reality television world and I am not a reality television girl. I want to start my own TV station. Why can't AT&T carry this channel in their listings?! I've devolved into short, angry sentences tonight. I think if I ever saw a TV Land exec I would throw a TV dinner at him. That would show the jerk! Would that everyone who loves old, classic TV were so inclined. We would rule the airwaves.

April 16, 2009

"Repulsing is my business... and business is good" OR the story of my Subway Epic Fail

Did I tell you the story of how I went to Subway yesterday? Well, I went to Subway to get my "Chuck" five dollar footlong, and of course, the counter was manned by an incomprehensible Indian guy. He got me my sub and I just told him to put everything on it because I couldn't really understand him when he asked questions so i just kept saying "yes" whenever he spoke. "Wrdkjt brsojrh aplrs?" "Yes." Carrots. "Wrdkjt trsrnn ikksk?" "Yes." Green peppers. Turns out, however, "yes" doesn't work as an answer to "What kind of bread do you want?" That one started us on the wrong foot, alas. But it was all good, he got my sub filled to the brim with veggies and I was happy since I, in fact, ordered a veggie sub.

Then when I went to pay I asked if they had customer service cards so I could fill one out (to put my comment about "Chuck" on it, I thought to myself), but the Cashier Girl was like, "No," and looked at me like I had just asked her to smell my fart. Then she got defensive and said, "Did you have a comment about the service?" in a vaguely threatening way so as to induce me to reconsider my nefarious plan to rip their service a new butthole on the comment card, and then I felt bad because the service was fine and I didn't want them to think I was going to complain, so...

I had to tell her about "Chuck" and the five dollar footlong save the show campaign and she just looked at me with this look like I had just peeled back the skin of my face and pooped my pants at the same time. I was embarrassed, obviously, and then to rub it in my face for being such a nerd, she was like, "Yeah, we don't have any cards," as if the request was so beyond the pale I should just commit sepuku right then and there. I didn't want to give up that easily, but what could I do, her bitchface was up to 11 and she obviously felt herself to be a million times cooler than me -- me with my TV show fandom obsession -- and she probably doesn't even watch TV, just reads books and hangs out with her boyfriend. Anyway, I basically shuffled out of there holding my footlong bag like a tail between my legs.


But I will not be deterred! There are other Subways in town and I will continue to seek out a customer service card to tell Subway that their sponsorship of "Chuck" is working!!!!!

Or I'll just write them a letter.

April 14, 2009

Video Madness!

Finale and Footlong

I've never taken up a "save the show" cause before. I've had TV shows that I loved get cancelled, sure, but I've never felt compelled to join a letter writing campaign or anything.

But that's all changed. "Chuck" must be saved. I'm writing my letter today.

I'm also eating Subway for lunch. It's part of the "Finale and Footlong" campaign to get NBC to realize that their advertisers (in this case, Subway) WILL benefit if they keep "Chuck" on the air.

If you don't know what all this "Chuck" stuff is about, get over to Hulu right away and savor the goodness that is Charles Bartowski. Then eat a Big Mike chicken teriyaki footlong at Subway and tell 'em Morgan sent you.

April 13, 2009

Unleash the Casey

You know what's great? My itunes '80s playlist. What more can life offer beyond listening to "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough" and "Lady in Red" and "Manic Monday" and drifting back to those days of innocence when I wore side pony-tails and Jim Henson was my god. What more perfectly tinted summer-colored dream is there besides the one where I'm eight, standing in my grandmother's living room watching the final moments of "Back to the Future" and I'm mystified by that "To be continued..." end title, and can't figure out for the life of me what's so funny about the "Pepsi Free" line (puns are lost on my eight-year-old self), which brings me to my real point which is: "Heathers" references are never wasted, the essential existence of "Tron," and Charles Bartowski.

I first heard about "Chuck" by taking an internet quiz: Who is your TV boyfriend? I was crossing fingers to get either Jim "Fat" Halpert or hot Sawyer from "LOST" but instead my answers led to some dork dude I'd only vaguely heard of in commercial breaks during "Heroes." Chuck? Who the fuck is Chuck? But, it turns out, Chuck, my darling, you would be my density. I mean, my destiny.

Mind Grapes made it all possible, she the wonderful TV crack pusher, dealing out her dvds and show recommendations like a drug punk down in the Cass Corridor. She quietly talked up the show, selling it like a sweet, sweet drip of dorky-fun action-love story, Alias-swims-in-nerdy-crayola-colored-waters, and I resisted for awhile 'cause seriously, who needs another show to watch, but it was me back from California, hanging with M.G. I think for the first time since I got back, we gathered for "Heroes" because the show still plagued our lives at that point, but I was early, half because I was jonesin' for diet pepsi and Mind Grapes keeps the fridge stocked and half because five weeks in California needed to be explained, but what the hell, "Chuck" was on, "you should watch," she said, "because it's really good and I think you'll like it" -- "and besides," I concurred, "he is my TV boyfriend." Exactly.

Seriously, it was fate. The episode was all about Sarah's real identity in high school, how her name was really Jenny Burton (hey! my name's Jenny!!!! my grandpa's middle name was Burton!!!!!) and of course, Chuck and Sarah/Jenny's super-secret spy cover story is that they are boyfriend/girlfriend so that Sarah can protect Chuck from the baddies who want his computer brain -- and Chuck and I are TV boyfriend/girlfriend as confirmed by a highly scientific internet quiz! What are the chances?! Too many things falling into place for this to just be all coincidence. It was like this particular episode was speaking directly to me: Chuck and "Jenny" go on a date, Chuck loves "Jenny," Chuck brought "Jenny" a hamburger with no pickles (wait, shit! I like pickles... eh, can't win 'em all). In other words: Chuck/"Chuck" and I belong together! It didn't hurt, either, that the episode was fantastic, in all its '80s-referencing glory, all action and romance and gags and hilarious comedic performances and beautifully-painful dramatic performances and good-looking people galore (Zach Levi for the girls, Yvonne Strahovski for the boys) and Adam Baldwin. Yes, friends, the show has Adam Baldwin. I'll be in my bunk.

From that fusion-melded moment of hour-long television bliss, my heart and brain were sucked into the "Chuck" universe like dark matter into a blackhole of awesome. And awesome it has been. I've been a Chuckhead ever since, the one show I actually watch live and don't tivo, the one show I can't wait to see. Don't be confused by my enthusiasm. It's not like some ground-breaking, television-set splitting show of monumental innovation. It's not "LOST" or "The Sopranos" or "Seinfeld" or any of the big guns.

But who cares about that?! The beauty of "Chuck" is that it's a fucking good time. It's laugh-out-loud like a sitcom should be, but heartwarming, all warm-and-fuzzy love story too, then it kicks your ass the next minute with some fabulous kung fu gun fight ballet. And it's one continuous '80s reference machine. I have a feeling Josh Schwartz and Chris Fedak go rummaging around in my same backyard nostalgia closet before they gather in the writers room each week.

"Chuck" is simply GOOD television. It's consistently good television. It's characters are some of the most endearing, lovable, and endlessly entertaining on the tube, with the writers always going for human and true (and good) over cliched and predictable (and annoying). I would watch spinoffs starring pretty much any of the supporting players whether it's "The Jeffster European Road Tour," "Morgan and Anna Move In," or "Captain Awesome's Awesome Sports Show with Special Guests Big Mike and His Marlin."

So why am I writing and rambling about "Chuck" all of sudden, you may ask? 'Cause the fucktards at NBC are thinking of canceling it. It's "on the bubble." NBC is a shithole trash can network right now and they're adding twenty-nine hours of Jay Leno to the schedule next season so half their shows will get the dump and "Chuck" might be one of them. It's that typical network ass-monkery, low ratings, bad demographics, blah-de-blah-bluh, and NBC can't be bothered to advertise it or try it at a different time slot where it won't be slaughtered by "Dancing with the Stars" and "How I Met Your Mother" and "House" and so the only good show NBC has going for it right now besides old stand-bys like "The Office" and "30 Rock" is possibly going to join the illustrious (but that's not much of a comfort) company of too-early canceled shows like "Arrested Development," "Pushing Daisies," and that NBC cancellation clusterfuck of all clusterfucks, the brilliant show done in by shitty TV executives and their dastardly bottom line idiocy: "Freaks and Geeks." "Chuck" would most certainly join their ranks of cancelled-too-early masterpieces since it really is that good, but let's hope not. Let's hope it lives on and can join the ranks of long-running masterpieces instead.

But hey, let's not just hope. Let's freaking watch the show people! What more do I need to tell you?! '80s references! Adam Baldwin as the Reagan-loving, gun-tottin' John Casey! An entire episode where a DeLorean figures heavily into the plot! Hot guys! Hot girls! Adolescent humor! Romance! Kick-ass fights! Guest stars! This show has it all.

I'm calling out conservatives especially. This is the only show on network television besides "24" where conservatives are portrayed in a positive light and yet I haven't read one mention of the show on any conservative blog. Open your Constitution-loving eyes, my fellow tea partiers! Watch this show! Aren't we supposed to be engaging with the culture?!

But really, everyone could be, should be watching it. Yeah, you could say it's especially designed for '80s babies like me; it's my style of humor, my cultural reference points. But anyone who likes a good time can dig it. Everyone should. I'm calling out every person in the country, right here, right now. Watch "Chuck" or else. If you don't start watching "Chuck" I will have no choice but to UNLEASH THE CASEY. And he always carries a gun.